KaIsEr JaMeS. DaRk LoRd. VaIzArD.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Phew. Finally. I'm back to my old self, after Kaiser's being ranting all day long about that post. (Btw it's saved in drafts, so dun bother finding it.)

Hmm, anyway. In case some of u (well in fact most of u didn't noe), I've got a split personality. (NONO.. pls dun think of me going to psychologists or smth liddat. I find it scary.. =S) That is, the typical self, and the Yami self (Kaiser & EXWargreymon). Seriously speaking, without my yami self, I won't be able to hold on until now. Frankly speaking, I'm a weak person, as in I do not have much determination and mental strength. Last year was a hell year for me, considering the fact that I've been skipping lessons to go NUS for advanced placement programme (which I seriously didn't regret going =) ) It was Kaiser, who encouraged me to go on... His determination's wad I've nv seen be4. I also have to thank him and EXWargreymon for helping me while I'm taking my Fmaths paper 1 for 'A' levels.

However, that has its side effects too. Well, Kaiser, EXWargreymon and I have been coping with the darker side of me, which has been growing stronger by the minute. It's not a force to be reckoned with. It's a region that once it possesses u, there's no way out. I have to do something to stop it. Well, that is, with the help of my 2 inner selves.

I found out tt I could hardly trust most ppl, except my nakamas. Especially recently. I dun really noe y. (Probably due to brainwashing by my dad and some stupid hk show which I find it applicable to today's life.) Indeed, in today's society, it is really hard to accept ppl easily, and trust them. One moment, they seem to be good buddies, and the next, they backstab.

That's precisely why my darker side aims to be evil, to counter well. I agree, but it's too extreme, in the sense that this darker side of me do not trust anyone.

However, upon careful consideration, I decided to include a selective part of my darker side, Kaiser, EXWargreymon and me, merging into one.

I want to be stronger. Serious. I found that my old self to be too weak, even to survive in today's society. Cruel but true.

I was too indecisive in the past. I want to be a more responsible, more decisive, and more evil, in the sense that I do not want to be too soft-hearted. Anymore.

Meanwhile, I will continue my battle with my inner darker side, and I believe that the battle will never be easy. Probably until the fateful day comes.

My nakamas juz told me tt my tong2 zhen1 is my characteristic, and asked me not to lose it when I go NS. While I was flattered by their comments (face slightly red >.<), I dare not really guarantee tt. Throughout my JC life, I finally realised what's out there for me. It was not wad I expected when I was in secondary school. And I'm gonna experience the first bit of tt when I'm in NS.

And it is not as good as it seems sometimes.

Betrayal. Selfishness. Backstab (though I'm not the victim). I've experienced everything. In my JC life. It can be scary at times.

I realised that the world is developing much faster than I expected. I could not longer hold tt stupid mentality of mine. I'm not the guy who thinks that the world revolves around me anymore.

And that's more to only these. (But I shall not continue any longer.)

I'm juz like a white clean sheet of paper, that has been darkened with the pencil of society over a short period of time. And it will continue, cos frankly speaking, I'm still uncertain how the society's like, and my clean sheet of paper will be darkened even more. What I met is probably the tip of an iceberg.

Though I'm still the happy-go-lucky person as my nakamas have known me, but it's nv gonna be the same again.

Alright.. random entry. Garrrr...

From,
James

Form your resolve. Charge forward. Leave no regrets. 12:19 AM

ME.
100% male.
Happy-go-lucky 18+++.
Serving the country, 2 years of our time.
KaIsEr JaMeS a.k.a. DaRk LoRd.
3 sides, the Norm, the Dark and the Hollow.
The Hollow side of Kaiser must never surface.
likes/dislikes... likes:
-My family! =)
-My nakamas!
Dislikes:
-Self-proclaimed elitists
-Hypocrites

WISHLISTS
#1 Get Chemical Engineering & USP! (Fulfilled =D)
#2 Get a girlfriend! (No hurry though! It's a hassle anyway.=P)
#3 Good 'A' level results!(fulfilled =))
#4 Get my Oxford Brookes Degree by end 2009! =D
#5 Get my black belt by end 2009 =D
#6 Get a scholarship.
#7 Get my revenge. Be a successful chemical engineer!

CALENDAR
18/09, 22/07, 22/10, 11/08.

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